What a Morning!

So today I woke up extremely tired; Dreading getting up to go take a
drug test for this job. Got up etc etc. Dressed. Good to go,right?!
Wrong!!! I unwrap my hair, my too cute hair due. I decide instead of
wearing it straight like I usually do that I would give it some life
and add a little flip to it. In the process I burnt out a few inches of
it. Yes, i burnt out my hair! I heard a sizzle. Sounds similar to a
Rice Krispie commercial. "SNAP,CRACKLE, and POP". But minus the pop
part, more so a crunch noise! A loud one at that!

I rolled my eyes and said "Lord!! Help me!" the devil is tryna get to me!" (That has been
my mantra since.) I said well at least it's short and in the process
of growing back instead of long like it was. If it were, I would have
been more pissed off than I am at the moment. I then decided to do a
minor wardrobe change. I wanted to add some color to my primarily
beige and brown outfit by adding a turquoise afghan wrap. It was
cute. Lively! The perfect addition and matched my toe nail polish. A
hole! Not a freakin hole!! Of course! No where other than right under
the armpit! Why? And I just took the tag off 5 minutes prior to
putting it on! So much for my splash of color.

I then begin to make my way out the house to only remember I'm
forgetting the address to the place I'm going. I stopped and thought
about it. "well I programmed the directions in my phone already". Then
on the other hand my sense of direction is shit. I thought again.
"Well what if I do get lost, the telephone number is on the paper".
Thoughts processed through my already frazzled, confused, and
irritated mind. I turned around and went back to my room and grabbed
the paper. On my way out the house for the second time. I step outside
into the garage, noticed the light had been on all night. "If dad had
known that he would've raised a ruckus!" I opened the door and put my
purse and papers on the seat then turned the car on so it could warm
up. I threw some trash away and thought about bringing the trashcans
in then decided not to. 'On the way back home this afternoon I will',
I thought to myself.

I get in the car and decide to put some lotion on my arms. I
absolutely love the smell of 'Moonlight Path'. It's my car lotion I
never take it out. I attempt to squeeze the bottle. There is barely
anything in it. Splat! Into my hands the cold purple lotion goes into
my hand. Then I look down and notice a dot on my beige suede like
pants! Everything I say at this point is to myself. I've become to
frustrated to speak aloud. "Cleaners here I come. I have some things to
pick up anyway so that works out perfectly. I wiped it off, took a
deep breath, and out loud I softly spoke the words "Lord help me!! The
devil is tryna get to me". I turned the heat on and proceeded to my
destination. No traffic. Yay me! A park right in front of the
building. Turned the car off and sat for a few minutes. "Lord, Thank
you for getting me here safely", I said to myself.

Quick appointment in and out, and on the way back home within 30 mins.
So in the process I'm talking to three of my very good friends about a situation that has been bugging me. I was ready to leave well enough alone, but for the sake of my own curiosity and validation I decided to get conformation straight from the horses mouth. I already pretty much knew the answer, but like i said..validation was needed. I must say the response that I received somewhat had my in mind confused mode. Somewhat like i was seeing stars just with the exception of the knock out part.

Luckily, and for that person's sake, I didn't have the energy to go completely bonkers or anywhere close to it. The fact of the matter is thankfully another chapter to the book of 2009 was closed before the New Year entered. YAY ME!

I must say 2009 brought plenty of tears, but out of the tears brought extremely good works of poetry! Everything that I've experienced through this past year in someway or another has made me a stronger person. Several people have told me that there is a light that shines in me. This year I'm breaking the chains of fear and letting the light shine with God on my side. I will re-emphasize the fact that even though things may seem bad someone will always have it worse. So I thank God for the good, bad, and the ugly. I'm alive, breathing, have use of all my limbs, senses, can feel emotions, and have wonderful talents that I will put into better use this year.

I have no resolutions and don't intend on making any. Reason being, its just more things to attempt to do. Why not just cross out things on my list already?! I'm just going to accomplish what I already have underway. Sounds good to me!

HAPPY 2010!

Just one of those days..

The pain of being afraid that you're going to get hurt is much greater than opening up and risking it.

SOOOO the last couple of days...literally yesterday and today have been somewhat blah...I've gotten things accomplished had some me time, but the little things in between that seem to nip and tug at my heartstrings and emotions have been doing a great job of doing so. I can't say why I have let certain things get to me but they have. I guess days like this everyone experiences, I usually just do a better job of not letting things effect me, but for some reason those little things have seemed abnormally bigger. So when I woke up from my nap this afternoon, I called a friend of mine and had a nice conversation. She pretty much told me that i need to focus on me more, I give too much of myself to people who don't really care in return.

There was truth in all that she was telling me. It's in my nature to care, and give, help, and be there for others, etc but at this point in time, I need to take a step back and re evaluate people in my life and in the process of evaluating how much of myself I give. I'm emotionally depleted...and that is tiring.. So with that being said I'm being selfish with me for a while..

That's all! Enjoy this rainy 'stormy' evening.

Rainy Day

Today's entry will be a little bit more than the normal 'poetry post'. I woke up this morning to the sounds of the rain, the beautiful grey gloom and warmth of a heated room. The past couple of days I've got to say my mood has been more, or my soul rather, has been more happy, and in no way shape or form am I complaining about it.I can admit the past week was rough, finding out bad news of various kinds, not knowing whether or not to let it go without expressing myself or vice versa. As of yet, I still haven't dealt with one of the situations that has been bothering me.

At this point, I'm not sure which direction to go in so momentarily I'm leaving it alone. This year in itself has been one HUGE roller coaster ride..Emotionally, mentally and physically. I'm trying to stick with the mindset that everything happens for a reason and God never gives me anything more than what I can handle. Hmm..if it weren't so hard to believe I would say it's a breeze to do, but that's the fear talking. I have to let Faith take over and lose the fear.

I've learned a lot about myself over the past several months, when I love, I love whole heartedly, when I like, I like hard, when put myself into something, whether it be helping a friend, relative whatever the case may be I give my all plus some. I never look for anything in return although I do have this thing where I would expect people to show appreciation. NEWSFLASH: LIFE HITS! Not everyone is in nor on the same page, chapter, or book that I am. I've come to learn that the term accepting people "flaws and all" is one tough thing to do.But when you love, people you deal with all of them not some of them..not a true relationship at all when you cannot keep things real.

I'm glad that I've gotten into the habit of asking myself questions when something goes wrong, or even just at the end of the day. 'What did I learn?' What could I have done differently?' 'What should I have said or not said?' etc. My mom used to always tell me to question myself, and I can't be more grateful that she instilled that in me. I feel that when you can ask yourself something and give yourself an honest answer you have achieved a lot in that moment. Keeping it real with yourself can save you, at least it has with me a lot of drama so to speak. Not saying i haven't set myself up for the okie doke, but after it all was said and done..Back to the drawing board I went. Question after question after question. Some of the answer had me thinking to myself "Damn.Ray, what were you thinking?' All i could do is laugh.. I mean life is a BIG school. I'm here to make mistakes, learn and be hella successful the next go round. ;-)

So, with that being said have a blessed day! ♥

Sarah Kruzan: Sentenced to Life Without Parole at Age 16

This story is very sad. When children don't know any better or don't have a decent 'stand up' adult in their life, what are they to do when they feel as if they have no protection or anyone to look out for them? They begin to fend for themselves and or consider the first person that shows them some type of "love" and or attention as a type of 'parent figure'. I am not in any way saying that what Sarah did was right, but at the same time I don't think that her situation was really taken into into consideration by the court. She was a minor in trouble, fighting for her life.

Therefore, in my opinion under the grim circumstances she should have been prosecuted as a juvenile. She made a choice to take back her life, but in the process took the life of another. She knew what she was doing, but they are several plea bargains that she could have taken. I noticed in the video that Sarah kept apologizing saying she knew it wasn't right to take G.G.'s life and that she knew deserved punishment. Okay! That's a given, if a crime is committed, yes you should be reprimanded; BUT for every "I'm sorry" that came out of her mouth, who should be held accountable for all the emotional, physical, and mental abuse that she suffered growing up?

In the beginning of the video it was said that her mother was on drugs and she abused Sarah. Where there any reports made, was Sarah ever removed from her home? Was she ever in the custody of the state?; Or was Sarah one of the children that the system failed and let slip through the cracks? Sarah is now 29 so she has been incarcerated for 13 YEARS! This is a shame! Rapists can commit a slew of crimes serve a few years and be released. There is something seriously wrong with this picture! TBC...

Reasons Reasons and more Reasons!

Everything happens for a reason...

That's a familiar quote we've all heard before, right? RIIIGGHHHHHTTTT!

It's usually lobbed at you like a soft blanket after something OR someone rips through your heart like an iron fist, or a jagged piece of metal, or broken piece of glass..u get it..whatever the pain felt like to you..LOL

It's a quote I've had mixed thoughts about. Not because I haven't looked back upon the many times I've been told this and thought, "Damn, they're right." Because that's happened. But it doesn't mean I still can't abhor the notion of such a quote.

Of course everything happens for a reason. If everything didn't happen for a reason then life would be a series of random events thrust haphazardly together.(boring right?) Which could very well be the case. Yet, because as human beings we define things with order, we classify meaning to these random events. This gives them weight. And giving them weight allows reason. Or at the very least, emotional significance.

It's only in due time do you look back on that heart-wrenching moment and realize that "Yes, this event did happen for a reason." But did it really? Or are you merely past the emotional resonance of the situation now that you've gained some distance and is it only now that you have fully separated yourself that you can slap a different insight onto the event?

Maybe not everything actually happens for a reason.... Maybe it's merely because life is led in pivotal moments. We reach crossroads, two paths diverging in opposite directions. We can choose path A or path B. Each will lead us to a different place. And regardless of which path we choose, you can never go back and take the other course. Therefore, inevitably, choosing the first path does end in a specific result. And being human, and assigning reason, we assume that everything along this path did happen for a reason.(silly us ALWAYS looking for some type of answer or reason huh) lol

What if both paths ultimately led to the same destination? Would that alter this perspective? No, because while the ultimate destination may be the same, it is the path by which you got there that is vastly different.

So you see, everything only happens for a reason because we say it happens for a reason. Unless you believe in destiny-- that life is predetermined and that every event is preordained to occur exactly as it has. It's a theory many replicate when talking about the ideas of time travel. How you can never truly alter the past, because the past is unalterable. No matter what you choose to do during a second go-around, you will ultimately wind up where you left off. With events happening exactly as they did.

I think this is a pessimistic way of looking at time travel. And while it may not be "scientifically plausible", it is the more enjoyable version. The version that provides for the idea of free will. The idea that we choose our own fate. That the actions we set forth upon determine our path. It's this free will that determines the reason for everything that occurs. Because it is us who through free will chose path A over path B. That's the reason behind everything. It's the free will.

For instance, when Marty returns home in BACK TO THE FUTURE to find that his family's (and his own) life is better. It is the more enjoyable movie.

It's the reason that why after making some good and bad decisions, blowing people off, overly expressing myself or maybe too little, tolerating too much shit for whatever reasons lol from too many people... especially within the past couple years that I look back and can reasonably say that, "Yes, everything did happen for a reason." ... but did it, really?...yep...That free will is something else, ain't it!

LESSONS LEARNED!! That's why at the end of the day I (thanx to mi madre) have gotten to the point where I ask myself "What did i learn today"? Ask yourself and see what you learned or didn't...

All in all to put it simply..Shit does happen...shit will happen..life is filled with the good the bad and the oogly..tha grass ain't always greener on the other side...yada yada yada..learn from it, keep it pushin...live in the moment! be in the moment! Car pe Diem! AND more so KEEP GOD 1st!

That's all! Adios mofo's! xoxo

I'm That Girl Part 1

I'm that girl that holds a smile on her face,

even when things are a mess and her faith falls out of place,

I'm that girl who believes in taking chances for what I want,

instead of pretending to be happy as someone I'm not .


I'm that girl who's not afraid to let her emotions show,

and learns to go on as her feelings start to grow,

I'm that girl who would never give up on the love of her life,

because there are two paths she can make the wrong or the right,

I'm that girl who would travel a million miles away,

just to find the love that shes been waiting for everyday.

But as they say everything in due time or at least when the time is right things will

fall into place.

I'm that girl who doesn't care about what other people think of my style,

the one that savors every moment even if its only for a little while.

I'm that girl that people call weird, random, and dramatic,

but theres more to me if you'll listen behind all the noise and static,

I'm that girl that can cry and laugh all at the same time,

the one that's innocent looking but can commit a heartbroken crime,

I'm that girl that tries hard to push herself through,

the one that doesn't care if she'll ever fit in to be cool.

I'm that girl you can call UNperfect,

my hairs always a mess,

I'm under a lot of pressure and all the stress,

I'm really not so different as the rest,

if it were up to me I'll say I come in second best.

I'm that girl who LOVES to laugh,

the one that can joke around till things get out of control.

I'm that girl that loves to dream,

but this reality is not what it may seem,

a fairytale ending waiting to come true,

another risk worth taking what does she have to lose?

Part 2 will come soon! ♥

Just A Random Thought pt1

For some reason i try
and stop
and try again
to come up with valid and plausible idiosyncrasies
as to why me
Why was i left in a corner
alone holding back tears
hugging my knees?
hugging myself so tight i could barely breath
my knees close to my chest
So close that my heart beat traveled through out my body to my ear drums then started beating on a different beat
back and fourth
several moments in time rewind in my mind
I can't seem to understand why
I'd rather go blind than to see you with her
but i love you too much that i actually hope you're happy with her

The love I have for you is
unexplainable
unsustainable, unmaintainable because regardless of how much writing i do
how many different guys i talk at the end of the day my thought is back on you.

Gravitational Pull Pt.1

Left earth to get away for a while.
90 miles per hour to get to a unknown place where I could have no worries in the world.
Even if it is temporary basis.
I land and step on to the surface in outer space..greeted by a known face that has a smile as bright as the sun..
I wait for a few minutes
Now the invite to Jupiter has been announced and I accept with no hesitations and no doubts.
I sit down and get ready for the ride..the conversation with my guide extends past anywhere I have been in a while..
Thoughts racing through my mind about this trip and what will come out of it what type of feelings will I walk away with?
TBC..

Offensive Hold pt1

TOUCHDOWN!!!!!
yea you tried to play it as cool you possibly could.
But the fact of the matter is you didn't but in a sense you did
you know how i felt and knew that my heart was 110 percent into you
there's no doubt [there]
but instead of catching it you chose to fumble and drop a part of me that I thought mattered to you
But silly me kept fighting for the love to be reciprocated but I knew deep down that it wasn't anywhere close to being returned
Definitely was an offensive foul on you
Several times I tried to run but something steadily pulled me back...
Why'd I have to be naive?
Your words were like candy artificially sweet
Silly silly me

2 B continued...

The Lyrics Say It All

I wanted U 2 Know..Pt 1

How I wanted you to know how tight your grip on my heart was..
I wanted to tell you how just the mere thought of you...
Could make me smile for days on end....
How your smile made my heart flutter..


I wish you knew how you could put a smile on my face...
Yet bring tears to my eyes at the same time...
How you could make my heart soar to the heavens...
Yet simultaneously crush it into the dirt...
How much i hated loving you...

Now it's time for me to get back on track!

In More Ways Than 1

In a way I sensed the distance before the distance itself even presented

In a way I knew he would be a challenge which would result in me possibly over expressing myself.

I don't think I did. I just kept it real.

It's said to go after what you want and that's what I attempted to do, in full force and failed.

Or maybe not.

Actually I didn't.

Maybe it was just him not knowing how to handle me. I didn't come off aggressive I actually presented more girly.

More girly in the sense, that I laughed a lot. Would cuddle when the time was right. I'd be serious sometimes but playful more so than not.

I didn't nag, just friendly conversation..

How'd your day go, and when's your next vacation?

Drastically, abruptly, suddenly, still.

Silence filled the air that we both once shared.

Here and there, the how are you's came and went.

Random aim's and texts that would jump start my heart again.

A smile would appear but as quickly as it came it would in the same instance disappear

"How's my sexy caramel hunny bun?"

Is this you? Really you?

There is something that is wanted, not you just you being cute

Seconds turn to minutes

Minutes turn to hours.

Hours turn to days.

Days turn to weeks

Weeks turn to months.

AND

Months turn to a couple years that flashed by without the least bit of communication

My eyes became glazed

Blinded by your ways

I was a fool to hold on to something that wasn't there.

In more ways than one I tried to be the girl + friend

In more ways than one I tried to suppress my feelings

In more ways than one I gave you space.

Seems like space other than football was your favorite game to play.

Allowed you to not answer or brush off questions

Simple answers than made me analyze what you said in a way that made me think things would end up okay.

Silly ole me.

The fool I must be.

The love bug bit me.

Lust didn't exist in this chapter of my story.

Feelings over came my common sense and I rode the rollercoaster until the tracks got squeaky and started to rust.

I paid the price, not in money but in my mind, heart, and soul.

This story now is pretty much old.

Live, love lost.

I now understand the meaning if you truly love someone you let them go.

So like the saying goes I will let you be..

Memories have formed and on several occasions, my minds plays them in re-runs.

Just the way I love you in more ways than 1.

Unwind... Pt.1

So much on my mind i just need to unwind...

How?

My blood feels like it's boiling..

My eyes feel tired and at the same time full of salty tears that need to be released.
Don't you see?

Hmph.

Maybe that should be a rhetorical question...he doesn't notice nor does he want to. At least it seems that way to me.

This city girl needs some country surroundings..clear my mind..have some me time
Time to stop trying to figure everything out and just let things be...

Should I or Shouldn't I

So I've been going through a little situation and my cousin gave me some insight...So I thought I would share:

"Stop listening to your mind. You will not find the truth there. You may find the answer, but it will not be the truth unless it coincides with the answer in your heart. Your heart holds the wisdom. Your heart holds the future. Your mind knows nothing but the past. Therefore, it makes decisions based on that."

Untitled...

I want to relieve myself of these repetitive thoughts My heart keeps searching for an emotion from him that obviously isn't going to be sought. I can't continue to contemplate what could be if he acted differently or what could've been if I didn't do this or say that at a certain point during our test trial try.

Somethings and some people aren't meant to be.
Although I was kind of confident that there would of been something. At least a piece of stability between he and I past the 1st year; But I guess my mind was right and my heart was wrong.
I guess that's why your mind is on the top and your heart is below in the middle.
(It seems to always have a long way to fall)
My emotions got the best of me.

So my heart continues to free fall Down Down Down I'm just waiting for it to hit the ground and shatter The cracks are already there. The despair can't build up anymore than it already has. The feeling of loving someone who had no clue how deeply you feel is beyond 'feeling' at all. It is like a numbness.

After a while of it being desolate, what do you do?

What is there to say that hasn't already been expressed?
What action is there to show that will prove the words from my mouth are the truth?
What is there to prove if you don't even try to gather yourself enough to bare through the feelings from my soul that I am attempting to express to you?
Lost in my own feelings...Should I be through?

Freshness Pt 1

2 My "best" Fresh! I must say you're a blessing!

FRESH
A smile like WOW
Naw, scratch that
A smile as bright as the sun
Swagga like no other
Goes from 0 to a million before you could even think of....
EXACTLY
Steps into the room
All eyes on him
Chatter goes to silent mode
A wave of his hand and gives everyone the signal to continue on being mediocre like tapioca
They just ain't good enough to compare to him...

The Heat

Erosion of my thoughts
Distinct memories stimulate the awakening part of
what I thought was a slight case of writer's block
Or a slight case of laziness or no motivation
But i sit here
Warm to the bone
Alone
In my room listening to my thoughts going "vroooooom"
Trying to flee
But where to?
They cannot leave me
At least not without my permission
I see me
Papers.
Journals.
Blogs.
Chapters
Sentences
And then my mother's voice
"Be the best at what you do regardless of what is"
I then agree
Music and lyrics is where my heart is...
I could be the female Smokey
My words flame
My thoughts extinguish what you THOUGHT you said,
but in actuality everything you say is in vain.
But who are you?
A figment of me?
no!
Or Him? Possibly
Or my imagination?
hmm
The heat has officially gotten to me...

High On Myself

I'm high on myself right now
I don't wanna come down off this comfortable cloud
I'm in love with my thoughts
The good and the bad
My hand takes to a pen
like A bee to a flower
Or my body to my bed
Everything flows from within
I'm high on myself right now
I'm not ready to touch the ground
I have too much to express that I'm not ready for the lights to go out
I want to feel every emotion I write
I want to take in the positivity and filter out the negativity
you know all that negativity is, is just the devil tryna win...

2 B continued

Sometimes.....

Random Sayings

Some words from a friend !



"What's done is done the next minute is the beginning of the rest of your life and you are the only person in control"

"Love is the beauty of the soul and words are the language, people take it for granted"


Thanx NeNe

A little about Love Pt 1

Love.
Is..
Powerful
IS
happy
Can be sad
can be painful.
But
it is up to you how much you give out
Give out... in the sense of the actual feeling from your soul,
not the physical aspect of "making love" cuz all 'love making'
ain't real love .....Real 'like' possibly
Some love making is just a pure fuck.
needed to get off and got what you needed..
Then where does that leave you...
with yourself and your thoughts and your soul somewhat depleted
For something you thought you needed...
LAUGH OUT LOUD!
Soft cry, minor frown,
Upside down, toss and turn
Tomorrow is a new day
so ask yourself what did you learn.

Not Always....

It's not always smiles and laughs.
Sometimes its frowns and tears.
Subliminal messages that end up piercing my soul.
Pain, I wish, I could just let go.
But everything isn't meant to be peachy keen,
Don't you see?
Life has its ups and downs.
So what now?

KEEP IT MOVING!

So the last couple of days have been extremely interesting. I find myself being presented with situations that I swear,I feel like, I am the only one going through them. Surprise, Surprise! NEWSFLASH! I'm not. From eliminating people out of my phone, to deciding what people need to be in my life and who don't, school, financial issues, and so on and so fourth. The main thing that has been on my mind constantly is people, and how their brains work. I am referring to several people I know. For some reason things consistently seem to get stirred up to where now, I am at the point where I will warn everyone and will permanently remove myself from the equation. I have to take a lot of things into consideration.

I have a 3 and 5 year goal for myself, not to say that others I know do not, but in order for me to attain what I have planned for myself, I need to be focused. In order to be focused I don't need to be bothered with petty bullshit and the immaturity of people. If people cannot learn to put differences aside for whatever reason or another and cannot learn how to be adults about situations what is the point of being surrounding by people that do not show at least an ounce of Christ in them . It's funny a lot of people claim to be followers of Christ ( or whatever he or she believes in) but I rarely see anyone act as if they have been saved, or show any compassion towards people or try an be understanding. When I try and add God back in the situation, I feel as If I'm taken as a joke. I say "let's Pray", or "Pray about the situation"....it seems to go over people's head. Seems like all that gets through to some, is yelling, arguing, cursing, and gossiping. Well I am SO about to be done with it all. People who aren't benefiting my life in any shape or form do not need to be in it.

Spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally I am trying to better myself. Seriously time to keep it moving. I'm not gonna get caught in the percentage of people that look up at 30 and say "What have I been doing with my life!"

Quote of the Day:

E. B. White:

You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life can't help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that.

Charlotte, "Charlotte's Web"

Silent Answer

I don't know what to think or feel in certain situations
I could just let it be what it is and leave it alone
then again deep down inside i want to know
I want to ask..but the reality of it is do I REALLY want to know?
I'm silently wanting to ask questions that I think I may already have the answers to.
So now what do I do?
I can't sit up here and play "the fool"
that role ain't cool..
Yea I've made my mistakes but no longer can I be disgraced and feel out of place
So I sit down to pray, and state my case
"God, I know you hear me I'm callin' your name"
Then I patiently wait for an answer.
I wait and wait and wait.

Friends

You grow up with some, you grow apart from many.
Ups and downs happen you gain some and lose plenty
Fights, arguments disagreements too
Back and fourth bickering of who said what to who
after a while the shit goes old
Gotta decide what and who and decide how much energy you let some of those "friends" get from you.
Not all friends are true friends
Not all friends are real friends
Not all friends are friends period
More like associates or leaves that blow with the wind;
they decide to stick around when it's best for them or when they can benefit
Lessons always need to be learned and I think I'm learning mine
I guess that little saying is right....
Everything does come to light in due time...

Instant Thought of Change

So what do you do when you feel like everything is crashing around you?

I write but that only suffices to a certain extent.
Letting out a good cry does some good for a moment, but those feelings i wish would just disappear, still remain
It's like I'm on a train that keeps going and going and going, and I don't know when or where it's going to stop.
I pray to God for some guidance, and I know He hears me but I don't feel anything moving.
Desperate for some answers I keep asking
Me, Myself and I
Reevaluating but I get stuck
Because I do not have all the answers, if any

It's like, in a sense, I'm at the end of a rope I'm constantly trying to hold on to with the hope of several things changing
The change won't start until I make the final decision that I want it.
I want it.

I want it all.

A new me, revised, re opened to the world I currently see, but to be able to see in different eyes
Still mine but in a different perspective.

SOoooooo

It's a new year the last time i wrote was some odd months ago....but I am back brand new and in full effect!! so new poetry, new thuoghts, new me...coming soon..you will see!!!