In More Ways Than 1

In a way I sensed the distance before the distance itself even presented

In a way I knew he would be a challenge which would result in me possibly over expressing myself.

I don't think I did. I just kept it real.

It's said to go after what you want and that's what I attempted to do, in full force and failed.

Or maybe not.

Actually I didn't.

Maybe it was just him not knowing how to handle me. I didn't come off aggressive I actually presented more girly.

More girly in the sense, that I laughed a lot. Would cuddle when the time was right. I'd be serious sometimes but playful more so than not.

I didn't nag, just friendly conversation..

How'd your day go, and when's your next vacation?

Drastically, abruptly, suddenly, still.

Silence filled the air that we both once shared.

Here and there, the how are you's came and went.

Random aim's and texts that would jump start my heart again.

A smile would appear but as quickly as it came it would in the same instance disappear

"How's my sexy caramel hunny bun?"

Is this you? Really you?

There is something that is wanted, not you just you being cute

Seconds turn to minutes

Minutes turn to hours.

Hours turn to days.

Days turn to weeks

Weeks turn to months.

AND

Months turn to a couple years that flashed by without the least bit of communication

My eyes became glazed

Blinded by your ways

I was a fool to hold on to something that wasn't there.

In more ways than one I tried to be the girl + friend

In more ways than one I tried to suppress my feelings

In more ways than one I gave you space.

Seems like space other than football was your favorite game to play.

Allowed you to not answer or brush off questions

Simple answers than made me analyze what you said in a way that made me think things would end up okay.

Silly ole me.

The fool I must be.

The love bug bit me.

Lust didn't exist in this chapter of my story.

Feelings over came my common sense and I rode the rollercoaster until the tracks got squeaky and started to rust.

I paid the price, not in money but in my mind, heart, and soul.

This story now is pretty much old.

Live, love lost.

I now understand the meaning if you truly love someone you let them go.

So like the saying goes I will let you be..

Memories have formed and on several occasions, my minds plays them in re-runs.

Just the way I love you in more ways than 1.

Unwind... Pt.1

So much on my mind i just need to unwind...

How?

My blood feels like it's boiling..

My eyes feel tired and at the same time full of salty tears that need to be released.
Don't you see?

Hmph.

Maybe that should be a rhetorical question...he doesn't notice nor does he want to. At least it seems that way to me.

This city girl needs some country surroundings..clear my mind..have some me time
Time to stop trying to figure everything out and just let things be...

Should I or Shouldn't I

So I've been going through a little situation and my cousin gave me some insight...So I thought I would share:

"Stop listening to your mind. You will not find the truth there. You may find the answer, but it will not be the truth unless it coincides with the answer in your heart. Your heart holds the wisdom. Your heart holds the future. Your mind knows nothing but the past. Therefore, it makes decisions based on that."

Untitled...

I want to relieve myself of these repetitive thoughts My heart keeps searching for an emotion from him that obviously isn't going to be sought. I can't continue to contemplate what could be if he acted differently or what could've been if I didn't do this or say that at a certain point during our test trial try.

Somethings and some people aren't meant to be.
Although I was kind of confident that there would of been something. At least a piece of stability between he and I past the 1st year; But I guess my mind was right and my heart was wrong.
I guess that's why your mind is on the top and your heart is below in the middle.
(It seems to always have a long way to fall)
My emotions got the best of me.

So my heart continues to free fall Down Down Down I'm just waiting for it to hit the ground and shatter The cracks are already there. The despair can't build up anymore than it already has. The feeling of loving someone who had no clue how deeply you feel is beyond 'feeling' at all. It is like a numbness.

After a while of it being desolate, what do you do?

What is there to say that hasn't already been expressed?
What action is there to show that will prove the words from my mouth are the truth?
What is there to prove if you don't even try to gather yourself enough to bare through the feelings from my soul that I am attempting to express to you?
Lost in my own feelings...Should I be through?