I've realized that I can be really concerned with my image. There have been times when I was literally worried (like agonizingly worried) about what someone thought of me and said to or about me - I was really into the opinions of others. The thing is no matter what they said or thought I wouldn't agree - "She thinks I'm nice, she just don't know." "How are y'all going to say I'm dramatic?" "He thinks I'm a bitch, CLEARLY he doesn't know me." The point is these opinions; comments, questions and concerns really don't matter because at the end of the day, these opinions are just that - a belief or judgment with no proof.
I was giving the world WAY too much authority in who I'd be or what I'd do or how I'd react to situations. My definition of myself was coming from these random thoughts that people (including myself at times) held, that were just not enough to "define" me - I'm way too big to define. Yes, sometimes I'm silly, nice, (too nice) accommodating, too compromising, selfish, lazy, on point, over analytical, too sensitive, not concerned enough, vain, kindhearted, opinionated, bitchy, junky, super anal, loving, emotional, withdrawn, sharing, giving, crazy sexy cool, judgmental ... you get the point. I can be a lot of things at any given time but those qualities are not ME.
There is no person, word or quality that defines - which means to set forth the meaning of or identify the essential qualities of - Raina. I am simply who I am and that realization has made the last couple of days..well weeks for that matter so much easier to handle. Instead of living up to some definition, I'm simple doing ME - whatever it is at the moment.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Oh Yea Im Doin Me
Posted by Raina M. Brown at 12:10 AM
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3 comments:
Whoa...great post. Very proud dat u came to dat understanding @ such a young age. I'am 25 and I have been dealing wit dat mess up until my birthday last mth. Ppl are gonna say wat they want 2 say no matter wat, but it is up to u to allow dat foolishness to affect u.
A random ex chick of my ex contacted him and I from a fake FB pg attacking our relationship. She was saying sum degrading things regarding my personality and character, but she did not face me or him. We don't know which one of ex did dat fake FB pg, but it made me question myself 4 just a moment, but I snapped out of it...u know y??? Cause I wasn't going to allow sumone else to believe they know me when they clearly don't!!!!
Keep ur head up baby girl...u doing something right. Don't ever let our ppl degrade u or make u feel less then a powerful woman, cause u know wat!? U r just that...a strong blk woman on the move to be successful in all u do!!!
E
You are doing you beautifully! fuck the haters and embrace yourself... run your course with God as your leader and you will be GOOD~
I really like this post. I can really relate to it. I'm still trying to be more comfortable with myself and not allow others opinions to bother me. We are not one-dimensional, we're human, we feel various emotions and go through different moods. No one can define you but yourself. :-)
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